hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
