Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
