My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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