We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.