she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My pussy is not your playground.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem