I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
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Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.