Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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