Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
