Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
