Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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