S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
