I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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