im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You need a sexual gate keeper
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
