Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize