I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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