the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
that is very illegal...i love you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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