I puked a lego.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
