Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
