I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
