cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
