Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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