We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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