look no pants
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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