JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
