apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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