it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
