It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
