I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
