Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
