there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
