Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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