I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
