his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Blood and glitter go together right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
