nutella sex= disaster
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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