Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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