New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
