I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
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He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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