no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
