OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
