After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
