Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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