i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
