I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
not ubering you a puppy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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