was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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