you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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