I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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