YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
