Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
