It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
