Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
