so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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