dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
