I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
