OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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