i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
operation have a gay friend backfired
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
