My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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