Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
