I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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