Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
