The maid of honor just puked.
I wish you could order shots online.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
