i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
