i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
