Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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