Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
