My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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