Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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