remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
