I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
