hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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